I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
