i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
