Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
