can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
