i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
