i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
