My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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