Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
