My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
