My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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