i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
