I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
