I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
