and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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