Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
