Someone shit on the floor
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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