i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
