Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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