She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
