I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
