So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
