When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
