Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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