4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
