he quoted the bible to break up with me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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