dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
