is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
