I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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