she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
