pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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