just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
