Yo dont text me then not text me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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