Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
