I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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