I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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