I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
