Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
