Moan for me like Helen Keller
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
