I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Send help, water and tortillas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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