New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
