he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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