He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
