If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
