We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize