is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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