watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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