Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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