I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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