____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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