Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
