so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
