what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
